winter in gambier

I still go down to the construction even though its getting too cold for it now. I just end up standing there in the snow alone while nobody works on it. People have been saying for a while now that this is a haunted campus. I think i understand why. I dont believe in ghosts. Other people at work do, they tell these crazy stories. Someone said they saw a white figure in the middle of campus. People floating through the floor, stuff like that. I havent seen anything. But theres this feeling of loneliness. It hits me hardest when im down at the site. Feels like there should be two of us standing there. That hasnt left me yet.

I read somewhere that when you lose someoen you love, you lose everything they gave you too. But I keep reading calvino. Its one of the ways youre still haunting me. I know i shouldnt. But i read this book, over and over again. I keep thinking about the inferno. With the lonelyness, and this feeling like im spiralling into the air like a snowflake going nowhere and turning into no one. Melting in the light. Thats being a snowflake alright. It makes my head feel lke an inferno. These fucking headaches dont help. Last night i had a migraine so bad i threw up. Hope these go away soon.